Raising twins

read time: 4 minutes

I vividly remember running into a friend at the mall and meeting her older twin daughters. Anya was about 6 months old and I walked away thinking how hard it was taking care of one baby I could not imagine two at a time. Fast forward about 18 months and there I was taking care of two babies at once AND an almost two year old. The experience of being a mom to one child has been much different than it has with twins. I would love to share some things I learned along the way. Grab a caffeinated beverage and read on!

-Try not to compare

Oh.my.gosh! This one is SO hard! I am constantly comparing mine. How can you not? One thing I do when I find myself comparing is finding their strengths instead of comparing their short comings. Niky happens to be struggling in reading, it’s really no secret, he’s well aware unfortunately. He has a tutor, it’s under control. Natalia has been reading since before kindergarten, yet she has difficulty in math.  Niky excels in math, he just gets it. When I tell myself they are different and will grow and learn at different rates and both have strengths I seem to worry about their differences or challenges less.

–Buy TWO of everything

I remember a while back a family member came back from a vacation and bought our twins a pack of about 7 bath toys to share. Although grateful I knew it would end badly. They (of course!) they both wanted one character and the other 6 were chopped liver! It may sound super rude to say if you don’t have two identical items no items are welcome. I get it, I totally do. How ungrateful you might think or they should learn to share! Yes, you are right! But for now, if giving gifts to twins under age 6 just give them identical gifts and make the mother’s life easier 😉

–Get them on the same schedule

It is going to be difficult but it will make your life so much easier. I remember planning out how I was going to breastfeed them together in the hospital right after they were born. Sweet Niky had some breathing trouble when he was first born and I didn’t get to see him for a few hours. Natalia came out ready to eat! My plan took longer than I thought it would. I ended up being able to put them on the same schedule which allowed me more freedom, especially  time with my two year old.

–Spend one on one time

Ideally I love to take my kids on individual dates; I get to know them without their siblings around, let them make all the decisions without having to compromise, and they get to have mom all to themselves. We both love it so much! It’s not always feasible to have those dates as frequent as I’d like so I try to find pockets throughout the week to spend that individual time. Maybe one kid likes to help prep food with you, use that time to completely focus on on them, talk to them about their interests and really listen. If one loves bath time and stays in longer than the other use that time to hear about their day and be present. If the have separate beds take a turn with each one as they go to sleep to chat. I find that bedtime seems to be when my kids open up a bit more. It seems like when they get tired all their secrets come out. It is such a sweet time.

-Embrace the Chaos

I’ve heard the saying “twin parents are doubly blessed, but with quadruple the stress.” I found this especially true in the first few years. Even if you were already a parent, like I was, it is so stressful and so different raising twins. It totally made me feel like a new parent all over again. Now that they are 7 I can look back and only really remember the good times, when I do think of the bad times they just seem comical. Like when I was peacefully tandem breastfeeding them and 2 year old big sis casually strolled by and banged their heads together, or when they went through and phase of pooping during nap time and them painting the walls with it, ugh that was disgusting!  Or how they used to bite each other on the back anytime they were upset with one another, good times! Those moments were so super stressful at the time but now that I know they are actually really neat lil kids all of it seems funny. The times I remember more vividly were when they first learned to walk and would waddle around our living room in footed jammies, and when they would always end up touching each other even though we had them swaddled on opposite ends of the crib they shared, and how they would call each other “nana” and when people asked their names they would simultaneously say “nana.”

There’s no way to avoid feeling stressed and accepting that reality is helpful. I recommend keeping a list, physical or in your head, of daily moments of joy. Yesterday mine would read; Niky referring to Natalia as “that cute lil girl,” the two of them playing legos together nicely, and when I asked Natalia her favorite part of 1st grade and she said being in Niky’s class.

So double up on the caffeine and enjoy the front row seat of this amazing, unique relationship.

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