I am regularly asked how I manage a career, three very active kids, and workout consistently. There is no secret and I am no hero but here’s what seems to work for me.
–Prioritize
Did you know that the original word priority was singular and didn’t pluralize until the 1900s. Priority literally means “first.” How can we say multiple things are first?! As moms I think we always have the best of intentions. We want our kids to be a priority, our husbands, our careers, our friends, healthy meals, a tidy home…if you think about it we can have so many priorities they can often conflict. Your priority for one day can be totally different for the next and that is fine, really I promise! As a nurse I work 12 hour days, I basically leave my house at 6am and return home around 8pm. I am available via phone for emergencies but that is about all. My patients and the other nurses are my priority when I’m working in the ER. I want to be completely present. I have prepped and planned for my kids so that (unless there are emergencies) I know they are totally taken care of. Same with my workouts. When I am out on a run or at the gym Chris is completely in charge of the kids. He knows not to call or text unless absolutely necessary and I do the same for him.
–Ask for help!
As they say “It takes a village” and I have always believed that the more people to love, support, and guide your kids the better. My kids are loved, cared for, and influenced by our extended family, their swim fam, and a few very trusted babysitters. Where ever you find yourself struggling there are options to make it work without being solely on you! Trade babysitting with another mom you trust, ask grandparents if they are available to take the kids for a night, find a reliable babysitter who the kids also adore, all of these can be win-win!
–Plan ahead
Planning out your month or week can help keep everything on track and allow you to see where you may need extra help. I like to even plan out hourly what I need to get done when I feel overwhelmed, it seems to help me feel like I have a sense of control over things that can often turn into chaos if not managed well. I also like to make a list of things that have to get done and things that can wait, it eliminates some of the pressure to get everything done all in one day.
–Let go of the guilt
Instead of dwelling on what you think you are doing wrong, think about how you are doing well. Having a career allows your child to see outside of themselves and to understand how important it is for a family serve the community. One day my littlest girl said “mommy, I love when you are with me but I also feel worried for all the sick people that may need you when you are not in the emergency room.”
Although there are times I wish I didn’t have to work as a working mother I am able to provide the kids with swim lessons, private tutoring, soccer practice, camps, vacations, etc. Being a stay at home mom is one of the most admiral things you can do and what works for one family just might not work for another and that is A-OK! We are all just doing our best and loving those babies SO hard!
–Make your fitness a non negotiable
One of my concerns after finding out I was pregnant with our first baby was not being able to maintain my fitness level. Working out has always been a passion of mine and I feared having to let go of that because I would soon be a mom. Before having Anya I taught and took group fitness classes several times a week, after having Anya I exchanged some of those classes for running with a jogging stroller. When pregnant with the twins I wasn’t sure jogging with twin newborns and a two year old would be feasible. Also finding a triple stroller and shipping it to Hawaii was quite the project. Chris and I made an agreement, we would treat our workouts as a necessity, the same way we did with eating and sleeping. We wouldn’t expect each other to miss a meal or not get sleep because of the new addition(s) we would trade off and take turns working out, similar to what we did with sleep. It took some scheduling and discipline, but taking a break from childcare to focus on each of our fitness goals was worth the work.
-Learn to say no
Sometimes saying no can seem worse than the task that is being asked to do but protecting your time and your energy can be far more important. Someone once told me “when you say yes to one thing you are saying no to everything else.” As women we are naturally inclined to want to help even if it means sacrificing ourselves in the process. Go back to your priority and base your decision on that.
