July 14, 2020

Twins in the same classroom

Having twins comes with many blessings and a unique set of challenges. Having them placed in the same class in school is one of those challenges we recently encountered. The preschool they went to only had one class per age group so they were automatically together. The summer before they started kindergarten I thought about what would be the best for my twins. There are many theories and opinions out there, and what it comes down to is that every set of twins is unique and should be considered that way in every situation, including class placement. For kindergarten I felt like the school should decide and place them where they felt was best, since they had never been apart I didn’t know how they would react. I spoke with the school administrators to hear their opinion and they answer was a firm “we always separate twins.” When asked for research backing or stats on the firm separation all they could give us was “there is no conclusive research and about half of the studies show positives and half negatives.” I also heard such great things about both of the teachers they were assigned and felt good about the decision. Both my husband and I spoke to the twins about the class placement and asked them to discuss their concerns and fears. At the time there were none. To my surprise our very independent and bubbly Natalia cried every day after school for the first 2 weeks. She seemed to hold it together all day and then completely melt down when she got home. I also noticed as the year went on that Niky seemed to be much clingier to Natalia at home. Natalia’s teacher mentioned that she seemed to cling to another boy in the class almost as if she was trying to replace the void she felt from not having her twin with her. Honestly, I wasn’t happy with how the year went. I don’t think they were emotionally hurt, however I felt that they would do better together for first grade. Since my twins are different genders, very independent, and overall easy going good kids I asked for an exception to be made. Chris and I went into the meeting with the administrator with research backing our request as well as a list of reasons we felt would benefit the twins would benefit by being placed in the same class.

1.) Ability to work well independently but value the comfort of having the other twin there
2. ) Standardizes learning and they can discuss what they have learned in class and collaborate with parents
3.) My ability to help and to be more hands on in volunteering
4.) Ease of field trips, class parties, class projects that are difficult when separated and cause strain on family
5.) They can help defend and protect other children who aren’t able to on their own, they can use their bond to help other kids
6.) Fraternal different gender twins grow independently without the stress of demanding it.

I keep feeling this nagging on my heart, it kept me up at night and caused a lot of unnecessary anxiety. I felt that since I was their mother and knew them best both as a pair of twins and as separate individuals I should be able to collaborate with the school administrators to decide where my twins were place. I also felt that if research shows that half valued twins being together and half shows separating twins shouldn’t a parent’s perspective be taken into consideration? I also felt like it should be a case by case situation since there is no definitive proof that one way is better than another.

Regardless of what you decide for your set of twins I don’t think you will ever be wrong in advocating for what you think is best and always go with your “gut.”

I have attached articles that helped guide me although there are many others available I’m sure. Please let me a comment or email me directly if you have questions or would like my support!